Chris and I are not childless by choice, our struggle to conceive and carry a baby to term is not one either of us talk about. Neither are our experiences with adoption agencies and foster care.
The abuse and type of abuse I suffered as a child is also something I do not discuss on the internet. It is deeply personal and had far reaching consequences, not just for me, but also for my brother and other members of our extended family. My family is broken because of my abuse.
When Chris was in the Army and in the field, a man broke into our apartment and raped me. This didn't just affect me, it affected my husband. The rapist didn't just violate me, he also violated our relationship, it changed how Chris and I saw ourselves and how we interacted with each other.
And finally, my stalker. I have no idea how to even start discussing my stalker. She became obsessed with me, she tracked me, she broke into my house several times, she called the police and said she hadn't seen me for days. The police broke into my house while I was sleeping and shook me awake. Think about that, I was alone in my house and woken up by a stranger for the second time in my life. It was terrifying. This happened in early 2014, and I'm still not quite over it.
That is why I don't give my opinion on these issues, to get the full picture of what happened I would have to include how each of these experiences changed, not just me, but the people who love and care for me, and how I interact with them (and honestly, we are still fighting a battle with my stalker, so that isn't over with yet.)
A 140 character tweet or even a 500 word blog post do not give me enough space to discuss my experiences and my feelings, let alone get into how each experience has changed my life.
It isn't that I don't have opinions on child abuse, rape, infertility, and SWATing, it's that my opinions and experiences on these subjects are so broad that I don't feel I can do them justice in a tweet or blog post.
And quite honestly, I struggle to not become bitter, I struggle to not become cynical, I struggle to not fall into the dark hole of depression (a struggle I sometimes lose), because of these topics.
I struggle to find happiness in spite of these experiences, because yes, sometimes happiness is difficult. Giving up is easy, getting up every morning and saying, "Today I will find happiness and goodness" even though everything is falling apart is difficult. But I do it. I have never chosen to do anything the easy way, and the fight for happiness has not changed this.
So, yes, I'm going to focus on the silly and mundane in my blog and in my tweets, because that is what keeps me sane. That is what keeps me smiling. And that is what makes me happy, which makes my life worth living.
And since this post verged on the dark and depressing, here are a couple of pictures of Mia and Grixie to cheer everyone up. (and this is my normal disclaimer that Grixie is a Pixie Cat and not a Normal Sized Cat, no matter what the vet and Chris say. She is older than Mia, and Mia is a Princess, and everyone knows Princesses (and younger sisters) are petite):
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