Why I Call Myself A Thorn (Semi-Transcript from VLOG)

Here are the notes I used for my video titled "What Does Internalized Misogony Mean"

I'm going to step on my soap box for a moment. Many of you have visited my Twitter profile and commented on my pinned tweet. For those of you who haven't it is my opinion on David Auerbach's slate article titled "Letter to a young Male Gamer", and Mr. Auerbach asks us to stop puplicaly critizing female game devs. To go after the men, but give the women a free pass, even if you think they merit criticism, because women in gaming have it way rougher than men do.  

My reply was that I have been fighting all my life to be taken seriously and I resented being told I'm too fragile for criticism.

Stepping on my soapbox: I have been told many times that I have "Internalized Misogyny" and I don't think the people understand what Internalized Misogyny really means. To illustrate Let me tell you some stories from my past:

StarWars

I love Star Wars. The movie changed my life and introduced me to Science Fiction. I asked for StarWars merchandise for my 13th birthday. I got a doll, because Star Wars was for boys. I started cleaning neighbors houses on weekends and bought my own StarWars Merchandise

Computers

Computers really interested me, I wanted to major in computer science. I was told that was for boys and I kind of caved here because I have an accounting degree. (which was in itself controversial because according to my family the only 3 jobs suitable for women are: Mother, Waitress and Teacher)

Cultural Influences

When my much younger cousin asked me what it was like to be a lesbian, I laughed and said, "Honey, I'm married, I'm not a lesbian" and he replied, "but you do boy things like play video games, and read science fiction, and watch Xena." I said, "That just means I like video games, science fiction and Xena. It doesn't mean I'm gay." And I kept enjoying all my hobbies.

Health

I have serious health issues. Almost 20 years ago, when he was leaving the military, a 1st sgt told my husband that he wouldn't be able to get a job with health benefits and to think about me, his wife, who wasn't able to take care of herself, so he should reenlist. Within a month I had my own damn job with a large tech corporation and had my own health benefits, and my husband had the freedom to 0 make the decision to leave the military on his terms without worrying about me.

Now, if I had Internalized Misogyny I would have pushed all thoughts of doing anything that wasn't feminine deep down so that I would conform to the society around me. I would have accepted the doll, I would have become a teacher, I would have left my hobbies, I would have let a man (my husband) be the person who was responsible for my health. And I would have hated myself for conforming.

But, I didn't. I went ahead and did what I thought was best for me, I bought my own merchandise, I studied something that interested me, I stopped going to Christmas dinners, I got a better job.

I, personally see the women and men telling me I've internalized my misogyny, The Fragile Flower Feminists, as the real misogynists. They are telling me that to be a "real" and "correct" woman that I have to think like they do and condemn my hobby.

I'm not going to.

I'm going to keep doing what I've done my entire life, I'm going to turn my back on their opinions, and then go do what I originally set out to do, which is be a voice for #GamerGate and #NotYourShield.

And, as my husband likes to say, This is why I am a Thorn and not a Flower. You sit on a flower it is crushed and destroyed. You sit on a Thorn and you jump up and say, "Holy Hell, that hurt." I'm still proud to be a Thorn.

 Stepping off my soap box now. 

 And I think everyone who has made it this far deserves a reward!

Starting my Vlog (Someday)

I was going to start my Vlog today, but heath issues popped up and I wasn't able to.


My subject was going to be my background in fighting to be taken seriously in my life. I was a girl, growing up on a reservation who wanted to be Han Solo. I read Science Fiction, I read Comics, I played Video Games whenever the opportunity presented itself, and later, after I grew up, I became a Computer Technician. I've been fighting to be taken seriously in my life, and not treated like a token or a special snowflake or a fragile flower, for a long, long time. And, for the record, I started dating my husband when I was 18 (he was 19), so I wasn't faking interest "to meet the boyz".


Here is what I posted on Facebook and sent a screen shot to Twitter. It was going to be the base of my Vlog:


I am so outraged right now that I can't speak, and I know I'm a month late on this, but it was just brought to my attention. Here are quotes from David Auerbach's Slate article titled "Letter To A Young Male Gamer". (I had to read the article twice to see if it was sarcasm, and it doesn't appear to be) :


"But I do have a request for you: Stop publicly criticizing LW. Go after the men. Criticize the games themselves. But leave the women alone, even if you think they merit criticism."


"Women in gaming have it way rougher than men, and to be blunt, it is simply not the end of the world if LW gets a free pass for whatever sins she may have committed"


What. The. Hell. David Auerbach.


I have been fighting all my life to be taken seriously. Now you are telling me I'm too fragile for criticism.


Chris told me this is why I am a Thorn and not a Flower. You sit on a flower and it is crushed, destroyed. You sit on a Thorn and jump up and say, "Holy Hell, That hurt."


I'm proud to be a Thorn today.