Here are the notes I used for my video titled "What Does Internalized Misogony Mean"
I'm going to step on my soap box for a moment. Many of you have visited my Twitter profile and commented on my pinned tweet. For those of you who haven't it is my opinion on David Auerbach's slate article titled "Letter to a young Male Gamer", and Mr. Auerbach asks us to stop puplicaly critizing female game devs. To go after the men, but give the women a free pass, even if you think they merit criticism, because women in gaming have it way rougher than men do.
My reply was that I have been fighting all my life to be taken seriously and I resented being told I'm too fragile for criticism.
Stepping on my soapbox: I have been told many times that I have "Internalized Misogyny" and I don't think the people understand what Internalized Misogyny really means. To illustrate Let me tell you some stories from my past:
StarWars
I love Star Wars. The movie changed my life and introduced me to Science Fiction. I asked for StarWars merchandise for my 13th birthday. I got a doll, because Star Wars was for boys. I started cleaning neighbors houses on weekends and bought my own StarWars Merchandise
Computers
Computers really interested me, I wanted to major in computer science. I was told that was for boys and I kind of caved here because I have an accounting degree. (which was in itself controversial because according to my family the only 3 jobs suitable for women are: Mother, Waitress and Teacher)
Cultural Influences
When my much younger cousin asked me what it was like to be a lesbian, I laughed and said, "Honey, I'm married, I'm not a lesbian" and he replied, "but you do boy things like play video games, and read science fiction, and watch Xena." I said, "That just means I like video games, science fiction and Xena. It doesn't mean I'm gay." And I kept enjoying all my hobbies.
Health
I have serious health issues. Almost 20 years ago, when he was leaving the military, a 1st sgt told my husband that he wouldn't be able to get a job with health benefits and to think about me, his wife, who wasn't able to take care of herself, so he should reenlist. Within a month I had my own damn job with a large tech corporation and had my own health benefits, and my husband had the freedom to 0 make the decision to leave the military on his terms without worrying about me.
Now, if I had Internalized Misogyny I would have pushed all thoughts of doing anything that wasn't feminine deep down so that I would conform to the society around me. I would have accepted the doll, I would have become a teacher, I would have left my hobbies, I would have let a man (my husband) be the person who was responsible for my health. And I would have hated myself for conforming.
But, I didn't. I went ahead and did what I thought was best for me, I bought my own merchandise, I studied something that interested me, I stopped going to Christmas dinners, I got a better job.
I, personally see the women and men telling me I've internalized my misogyny, The Fragile Flower Feminists, as the real misogynists. They are telling me that to be a "real" and "correct" woman that I have to think like they do and condemn my hobby.
I'm not going to.
I'm going to keep doing what I've done my entire life, I'm going to turn my back on their opinions, and then go do what I originally set out to do, which is be a voice for #GamerGate and #NotYourShield.
And, as my husband likes to say, This is why I am a Thorn and not a Flower. You sit on a flower it is crushed and destroyed. You sit on a Thorn and you jump up and say, "Holy Hell, that hurt." I'm still proud to be a Thorn.
Stepping off my soap box now.
And I think everyone who has made it this far deserves a reward!
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